Choosing to Breathe
What if living a life true to yourself
meant unraveling everything you were
taught to believe? In this powerful
continuation of her story, Emma
Stevens returns to The Gathering Place
and s h a r e s the h a r d – e a r n e d w i s d o m
that comes from confronting loss,
identity, and truth. As an adult adoptee
raised to feel grateful rather than
grieve, Emma was shaped by silence,
expectation, and trauma. But deep
within, resilient parts of her fought to
be heard. Through raw and reflective
storytelling, she explores what it takes
to stop merely surviving and start
living intentionally. Her journey is a call
to anyone who’s ever felt like they were
performing a version of themselves for
others. Honest, insightful, and deeply
human—this memoir is an invitation to
breathe, to question, and to reclaim the
life that is truly yours.
“I love Emma’s voice, her heart, and her soul.”
—Anne Heffron, author
“Emma describes the most traumatized
parts of herself with such genuine
affection, and connects with them so
endearingly, you can’t help but feel
inspired. Through the relationships she
forms with these wounded, scared parts
and the trust she builds with them, she
gives hope that it’s possible not only
to heal our deepest
w o u n d s b u t also to
transcend them. It gives
you a sense of magic.”
—Kathy Mackechney,
LCSW, IFS Certified
Audiobook coming soon
The Gathering Place
The true story of when Emma learns her birth mother wrote and signed a letter about her to the adoption agency, she knew she had to have that letter if she were to ever discover her birth mother’s true identity. Her birth mother had used a fictitious name at the maternity home and used an assumed name on Emma’s original birth certificate. Emma takes bold measures to get ahold of that letter and start solving the puzzle that is her life.
Emma was adopted into a family that expected her to conform to their expectations of who she should be — but she did not arrive as a blank slate. Unable to see that her relinquishment and adoption were not her fault, her soul split into pieces. In order to put the pieces back together, Emma embarks on multiple journeys and adventures towards both solving the mystery of who she is, and healing from the pain of separation from her origins.
Emma powerfully describes a childhood and life profoundly affected by not knowing her true self. Has she ever known her true self?
It’s a story of inner strength and perseverance where Emma welcomes all her parts of self to feel valued and seen. She fights to reunite her fractured soul through love and acceptance of herself, and of others. In a meditative and surreal state, under and around a big old oak tree with a simple wood-seated and rope swing attached, she accepts the invitation of integrating herself. And this reunion all takes place at The Gathering Place.
A Fire Is Coming
The true story of when Emma Stevens learned her new next-door neighbor was a psychologist, she innocently asked about how to find a therapist for her own issues. Dr. Carol Brenner decided to accept her as a patient. Against a backdrop of the Laguna Beach Fire, the insidious drama unfolds as Emma finds herself enmeshed in an unhealthy dependency on her therapist, who not only fostered this dependence but also used it to dominate and control her.
How could this happen? Emma explores how having been relinquished at birth, put up for adoption, and raised by parents who did not treat her well, may have created the fertile ground for an experienced predator-super-therapist to exploit and indoctrinate her.
A Fire is Coming is a page-turning psychological nightmare, as Emma tries to escape the predators and narcissists in her life—who have their own egoic plan. Not only does Emma escape, she takes a hard look back at how and why it happened. Emma’s unflinching narrative serves as a cautionary tale to anyone who might find themselves a potential victim of an exploitative therapist or vindication for anyone who has had an adverse experience with an unethical professional.
After escaping such a bewildering experience, Emma dives into the field of psychology, learning about adverse personalities and the power of a cultic relationship. Emma may have started her journey as a passive victim, but as she begins to integrate her experience, she becomes a brave witness and advocate for others who may find themselves on a similar path.®
Exclusive Excerpt from Upcoming Book “Choosing To Breathe”
One day, on the grassy hill, I asked a young girl who’d joined me, “What’s your name?” I tried to enunciate loudly to compete with The Gathering Place’s brief gusts of wind.
She stared at me blankly, then tilted her head to the side. Although her hair suddenly blew across her cheeks, I could see the unmistakable crooked smile forming on her face.
With a gleam in her eye and a quick tuck of her light brown hair behind her ears, she playfully asked, “Who do you think I am, Emma?”
I paused before brightening as if a light had illuminated inside my head. My senses began to take in her energy—everything about her felt cat-like: inquisitive, adventurous, and a bit untamed.
As if granting me the grace to lose myself in thought, she shifted her focus toward the rope-and-wood bench swing that hung from The Gathering Place’s big, old oak tree. With quick precision and athletic prowess, she embraced the art of swinging back and forth.
“I like to think of myself as the one who ‘rescued’ you. I’ve always been here, yet I’m also the one who has been silenced almost since the beginning.”
The color of her eyes shone with depth and clarity, embodying mystery and intrigue. One moment, they appeared bluish, and the next, they looked greenish hazel. The marbling effect, mixed with the light, could make them change shades instantly. Yet, the intensity of her gaze remained constant—glittering like a shiny ornament.
“I remember you. But if I recall correctly, it was somewhat of a mixed bag with you always wanting to be in charge!”
My thoughts drifted to memories of my childhood as an explorer, a risk-taker who sometimes followed that part of me into dangerous and unsafe territory. I stood motionless, watching her pump her legs in unison as she swung higher and higher.
The one who looked so much like me but whom I’d mostly forgotten gave a glance over her shoulder and said, “I’m Athena!” Her voice slightly wavered as she swung with tremendous enthusiasm.
“The one who kept us moving forward by urging us to open doors and discover new things. Well—at least until our parents scared you so badly that you had to put us in the shadows with many of the others. But I understand. I mean, I get why you felt you had to do that. Your safety depended on it, for Pete’s sake!”
I delved into my mind and instantly retrieved memory after memory, ignited by Athena’s words. Had I always been aware of this? After being relinquished, placed in foster care, adopted, and then left to navigate an abusive, chaotic adoptive family, I had valid reasons to keep certain aspects of myself hidden. I allowed these personas—that could jeopardize my survival—to exist only behind the scenes. It felt true. As I reflected on the idea of enduring my childhood home, where my adoptive family needed me to be the person they demanded, my thoughts became increasingly clear on how I had to adapt to make it through. Then came the realization that these adaptations effectively severed me from my true developing self but ensured my safety during my youth. Or, let’s just say—made me “safer.”
But what were these modifications, or self-divisions, bringing me now as an adult? I began envisioning a recent photograph of myself smiling and looking so happy. Still, now I am picturing a more accurate image of myself, perhaps without an eye. Maybe even lacking a mouth, an arm, or feet to escape with. All of these are the adaptations I had to make to survive.
“Emma,” Athena said, suddenly locking eyes with me. She had jumped from the swing, landing as gracefully as a cat.
“I am your creativity! I am your curiosity! Your fuel to keep exploring. I’m not just your belly when you take a breath; I’m also your backside that holds the tension while you slowly exhale. To breathe is to explore. To explore is to be alive. Creativity is the fuel that propels you forward. But Emma, I’m also the part of you our adoptive parents needed to eradicate. I’m the one they banned you from being. So, they convinced you—manipulated you—to kill me.”
Book Awards
Emma was named as an Independent Author Award winner in Tucson’s 2024 Festival of Books. Her second book, A Fire is Coming, was just named as a Finalist in the 18th Annual National Indie Excellence Awards.
